Tips, Tricks & Piano Playin' Resources

WHAT IS THE EASIEST INSTRUMENT TO LEARN?

I have a Piano at home. I hate it. I love how it sounds but I just can’t learn it. And don’t tell me "never say you can’t" ONLY answer this question if you actually have an answer. My dad has several guitars, and even he told me it’s pretty hard. I have a trumphet i got at a yardsale :P . Anyway, I’d like to learn an instrument. People suggested drums, ukelele or banjo because they only have 4 strings, harmonica, and steel drums. I generally like reggae and beach music like jimmy buffet so i liked the idea of steel drums and ukelele. But any instrument would be fine to suggest if you think its easy
By easy i mean dosen’t take years and years to do right, I mean one that you can sorta take the ball and run with it.
And BE SERIOUS please, DON’T suggest things like:

the triangle
a gong
the cymbals
a bagpipe (I can’t stand those)
the wooden sticks
a recorder
whistling

I’m a college music major and Alto sax is very simple as it take no muscle control like anything brass and has buttons instead of strings.

Mallet percussion is very easy as well. all of the bars are labeled and it’s still melodic.